How to learn to love?

Love fills our life with meaning, makes itemotionally rich and beautiful. Without love there is no happiness, at best - a sad prosperity. And we are talking not only about the so-called romantic love, but about the love of people around us, about the love of our children, about everything in life. But how to learn to love? Maybe it's just a gift from above, which is not given to everyone?

Why can not we love?

According to psychologists, people do not know how to love,which itself was lacking in the childhood of parental warmth. They may be children of parents who are too strict, children of parents who showed to their child heightened demands, which they liked "conditionally," that is, only when they behaved in the way their parents demanded.

A small child, like air, needsparental love, warmth, sense of security, the feeling that it is accepted by anyone. And if he does not get it, then he will not be able to learn how to love. He has a feeling of distrust towards himself, which he transfers to other people, he does not accept himself and therefore is not able to accept the other.

If you want to learn how to love others, then you need to start with yourself.

How to learn to love yourself?

What is love? This, first of all, understanding, full acceptance of all the advantages and disadvantages of the object of love and the desire to make the life of a loved one a little bit better. Even (especially) if this beloved is you.

To love yourself, you should find out yourself. Understand the reasons that prevented the formation of your ability to love, overestimate them.

Divide a piece of paper into two parts and write onone side of your dignity, and the other - flaws. Write everything that comes to your mind, you do not need to hide anything from yourself, because only knowing all your sides, we will be able to learn to understand ourselves, to determine our true needs, and not those that were imposed on us by upbringing or surroundings.

Get rid of the feeling of guilt for not beingmeet someone's expectations, including the expectations of your parents. You are a unique person and have the right to build your life as you need, and not as you want someone else.

Get rid of feelings of resentment, including fromresentment against your parents. If they did not give you something as a child, then there was no evil intent. They loved you, but only as best they could, and could give you only what they themselves had. Now only you are responsible for your life, and you have all the possibilities to make it what you want.

Another way to learn how to love andself-training. Do not forget to remind yourself that you love yourself, look for attractive external features and inner beauty, and gradually you will really begin to change both externally and internally.

How to learn to love people?

He who does not know how to love himself, does not know how to love andothers. He can help people, support them in trouble, but it is difficult for him to sincerely rejoice at the successes of others. And it's not that he's a bad and envious person, but that a person who does not love himself is very bad. He may not realize in himself what tension and psychological discomfort he is constantly in.

To learn to love people, you need to love yourself. We can not forgive others those shortcomings that we can not forgive ourselves, and those character traits that we do not like in ourselves. When you recognize yourself, you will know others. Forgiving yourself your weaknesses, you will learn to forgive others. By accepting yourself, you will accept other people as they are, learn to see their virtues and recognize the true motives of actions.

How to learn to build personal relationships?

People who have problems with self-perceptionand self-esteem, very often there are difficulties in personal relationships. This is due to the fact that a person perceives the one who is next to him, as his complement, and not as a separate person. It is difficult for him to forgive the partner's shortcomings, he tries to remake him, to impose his life principles and norms of behavior.

The answer to the question of how to learn to loveman, does not differ much from the answer to the question of how to love yourself and others. Understand and accept. Be grateful for what the person who is next to you is giving you, and not to demand from him what he is not able to give you.

Your partner is not your property. You must learn to trust him and understand that even married people have the right to personal freedom, to some hobbies and hobbies, to friendship with other people, etc. If there is true love between people, the question of how to learn to trust a loved one simply does not arise. True love does not encroach upon personal freedom, does not dictate its rules of life and does not require the impossible. Mistrust arises in a relationship built on fear (including losing a loved one) and on increased demands for the object of "love" (in this case, there is a lack of confidence that a person will not live up to your expectations). If you accept another as a free and independent person, and your relationship is built on freedom of choice and on a feeling of mutual respect, the question of mistrust will simply not arise.